On Weddings: The Proposal, the Ring, and the Invitation
By Carol Ferrie
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Red Rose and Ring
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First comes love, then comes marriage. It is the natural order of things according to the familiar rhyme.But the lyricist left out a few steps between the blossoming of love and the culmination of devotion in marriage. First there is the marriage proposal, which has come a long way from the traditional image of a man kneeling on bended knee with engagement ring in hand.
The next task is the wedding invitations, which have evolved from the conventional ivory-colored announcement to a more colorful, all-inclusive packet of information that can look playful or elegant.
Last but certainly not least is choosing wedding rings. Once again, a long-established tradition has changed with the times—buying matching wedding bands for the bride and groom is passé, according to local jewelers.
The Proposal
Popping the question is the first hurdle. Men, and sometimes women (yes, it is acceptable for a woman to do the proposing), agonize over when and how to ask for their partner’s hand in marriage. Should it be over a quiet, romantic dinner? Should I hire a pilot and airplane to write, “Marry me, Linda,” across the sky? The latter might be hard to top but there are plenty of less costly approaches that are sure to make the same, if not greater, impression.
The ultimate romantic proposal
Shann Ferch, a Montana-born high school and college basketball star, knew exactly what would impress his soon-to-be-fiancée 17 years ago when, as a student at Pepperdine University, he began devising the plan for his proposal to Jennifer.
A music major, Jennifer had a heart for music and it was Shann’s intention to appeal to that. For two years he secretly taught himself to play the piano in preparation for his marriage proposal to Jennifer. When the special day came, Shann’s friends hauled a piano to the California beach where he would take Jennifer for a sunset walk. (He had recorded the exact time of sunset for five days prior to this so the proposal would be perfectly timed at sunset). When the couple came upon the piano, blanketed in six dozen white roses and ocean waves breaking in the background, Shann serenaded Jennifer with a song he wrote—“We Live as One”—and asked for her hand in marriage. Then he presented her with a book of 100 poems that he had written throughout the last two years of their courtship. The evening ended with dinner, where a host of friends appeared one at a time to present Jennifer with a rose.
The doing-what-you-love proposal
Big Sky’s winter wonderland was the backdrop for Todd Trent’s proposal to Shirley nearly 16 years ago. A day of snowmobiling, Todd’s passion, commenced with friends, and when they reached a meadow, Shirley went off to the bathroom. When she returned, Todd had spray painted in the snow a big red heart with the words “Marry Me.” At first glance, it didn’t sink in with Shirley that the proposal was meant for her; she thought it may have been someone else’s endeavor left over from another day. Once that was clarified, “yes” was the answer. Todd’s advance planning did not include having an engagement ring to present to his new fiancée, so a plastic zip tie was the temporary replacement.
The totally crazy proposal
Bozeman architect Rob Pertzborn pre-meditated his marriage proposal to Lisa for a year and a half. He prefaces his wild proposal story with saying that he used to always tell people, including Lisa, that he couldn’t get married because it would mean he would have to be responsible and quit doing irresponsible things like throwing snowballs at cars. So when he was ready to be responsible and propose in 1989, he thought it would be appropriate to symbolize it by throwing a snowball at a car.
The winter day started with Rob convincing Lisa to come outside in her pajamas, telling her she needed to see an alleged dent in her car door (there actually was none) that was caused by a kid throwing a snowball. As a police car approached (all part of the setup), Rob motioned for the officer to stop, but instead, the police cruiser sped up. Faking frustration with the way the officer ignored him, Rob launched a snowball at the police car. The officer, to whom Rob had brought into the plan days earlier and who had been given the engagement ring, slammed on the brakes, turned on the flashing lights, and escorted Rob and Lisa into the back seat of the cruiser. “How old are you? Aren’t you a little old to be throwing snowballs at cars,” the officer said to Rob. “Well, if you give her this,” the officer said, handing the engagement ring through the bars separating the seats, “I’ll let you go right now.” Rob handed Lisa the ring and the rest is history.
The Rings
Once the proposal is out of the way and assuming the answer was “yes,” one of the next matters to address is the wedding rings. A common mistake is not allowing enough time for ordering rings that are custom made. Don Baide, owner of the Gem Gallery in downtown Bozeman, said that 60 to 70 percent of his customers want custom rings. His custom designs have included grizzly bears, Celtic weaves, and fish. Custom rings usually take about three weeks to create, Baide said.
Robert Morgan, regional manager of Riddle’s Jewelry, said that the increasing demand for custom rings has prompted three of the five Riddle’s stores in Montana and many nationwide to install digital goldsmiths, which allow customers to design their own rings on computers and see exactly what they will look like before they are made.
Although it used to be expected that the bride and groom’s wedding bands would be a perfect match, it is not the case today. “Men and women have different styles,” Baide said, “so it can be difficult to find matching bands that appeal to both.”
White gold remains the most requested metal for wedding rings but platinum and palladium are becoming the “hot buzz of the jewelry industry,” Baide said. “The largest producer of these metals is the Stillwater Mine in Columbus, MT,” he said, “making it even more popular among Montanans.” Comparing prices among the precious metals, Baide said that platinum costs about $1,100 an ounce, gold is $570, and palladium, which looks like platinum, is about $340.
Tungsten carbide, a ceramic metal, and titanium stainless steel are also becoming more popular because of scratch-proof characteristics. Baide calls tungsten the latest “fad” metal, pointing out that it costs a fraction of the price of gold. A tungsten band will cost between $50 and $100 while a gold band runs between $200 and $300. The down side to tungsten carbide is that it cannot be sized or repaired nor can stones be set in it. Baide suggests buying two rings—a tungsten ring for work because of its durability, and a gold or platinum ring to wear the rest of the time.
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Invitation possibility
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Montana jewelers dealing in wedding rings include the Gem Gallery, Bozeman; Alara, Bozeman; Riddle’s Jewelry, Billings/Bozeman/Butte/Great Falls/Missoula; Adair Jewelers, Billings/Missoula.
Invitations
Modern colors and exotic papers that portray the personalities of the bride and groom and the wedding theme are overtaking the traditional ivory wedding announcement stuffed in a double envelope with an RSVP card and reply envelope inserted.
Priscilla Foster, owner of Ro Sham Bo Paperie in Bozeman, specializes in custom designed and assembled wedding announcements using three-dimensional hand-made papers. Specialty papers at Ro Sham Bo range from a Thai tissue paper for $2 a sheet to Japanese silk-screened paper for $18 a sheet.
Not only are the hand-made papers that Foster uses non-traditional, so is the way that many of the announcements are assembled. Several die-cut inserts—the wedding announcement, RSVP card, wedding program, description of the reception, information on where to stay, and travel information—can be included in a pocketed cover which also doubles as the envelope.
Foster’s custom invitations start at about $4 each, depending on the paper selected, quantity, and printing method (letter press or offset). Letter press printing costs more because it is a more involved and detailed process.
Though she likes to have six to eight weeks lead time to finish a custom order, Foster can turn around some jobs in two weeks.
“Despite the trend for more non-traditional wedding invitations, there are still a few steadfast guidelines for etiquette,” noted Joanne Karnop-Graff, owner of
Perspectives in downtown Bozeman. One example is printed address labels, which she calls a “no-no.” Guest addresses should always be handwritten.
For those who prefer a more traditional wedding invitation, Perspectives offers an extensive selection of announcements from Crane’s, one of the oldest manufacturers of invitations. Designer Kate Spade has released a line of invitations through Crane’s which Karnop-Graff describes as formal but with modern color and fonts.
The pre-printed invitations can run from $2 each up to $7 with a whole package—invitation, RSVP card and return envelope, save-the-date card and thank-you card—costing about $800 per hundred.
Karnop-Graff offers some suggestions for cutting the cost of announcements that won’t result in a cheaper look: Don’t use double envelopes for the invitation, use unlined envelopes, opt for dimensions that don’t require extra postage, and use one color of ink instead of two.
“The invitation is the first impression of the wedding,” Karnop-Graff said. “It definitely sets the stage.”
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