Testicle Festival Time

In 1988 William Hjortsberg, Tom McGuane, and other luminaries were present when Greg Keeler performed these verses:

Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time,

where you can pig out on calf nuts for hours and it don’t cost a dime. 

There’s artists and ranchers and drunk two-step dancers

and grannies who’ve just reached their prime at Ryegate Montana’s Testicle Festival time.

Now that Hutterite up at the bar, 

he’s had too much liquor by far, 

but he swears he can sober up

quicker than most folks might think. 

He’ll just buttress his gut walls with batter-fried calf balls and then barf ‘em up back in the sink, hell, barfin’s

no sin, it’s a good second wind for more drinks.

at Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time. 

For a testicle filling turn north out of Billings 

then west till you reach the sublime, 

at Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time.

Now some of you tourists might think 

That a meal of calf testes would stink. 

Well, I beg to differ, them buggers taste great with a drink, 

they’re just as finger lickin’ good

as a TV dinner chicken, a little bit heavy on dough, 

but just pop ‘em with schnapp’s 

and they’re better than French escargots

at Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time 

For a fried donut party, just turn in at Marty’s, 

hell, its more than this poet can rhyme,

at Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time.

It’s more than maniacally, aphrodisiacally, gustily, lustfully fine. 

It’s Ryegate, Montana’s Testicle Festival time.

⬅ VIDEO: "Expressing Montana - "Duct Tape Psalm" by Greg Keeler

Video Description: Greg Keeler writes funny songs and fine poetry, and teaches writing at Montana State University in Bozeman. He is also a painter and likes to catch trout.