Of course we know that Montana is perfect and that there's nothing wrong with it. Come on and say otherwise to our face! See what happens!
That having been said, maybe some of Montana's honorifics are a little more laudable than others. For instance: did you know Montana is the fifth drunkest state in Union, even beating states we assume are drunk nearly 254/7, like Alaska? It's true!
The source for the information is the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which maintains that the optimal alcohol consumption per capita is 2.1 gallons or less per person per year. Montana averages 3.11 gallons per capita, making us, well, pretty tipsy.
You can sort of understand Montana, with her wide open space and low population density, not to mention the constant creeping possibility of eaten by bears (or people!), would be a place where people would drink a lot. But some of the states that beat us are a little perplexing.
Who would have thought that Delaware or New Hampshire would beat us? Who would have thought we would beat Wisconsin, Idaho and South Dakota?
Again, it may not be anything to be proud of, but we suspect that a certain kind of Montanan reading this is proud despite that. "Heck yeah we beat those teetotalers in South Dakota," that man is saying to himself. "We can drink any Dakotan, North, South or in-between under the table, and we'll do it with our boots on!"
Incidentally, the number 50 least drunk state in the Union? Utah. We will leave to ponder for yourselves if there might be a demographic reason why.
Alright, who wants to go out and celebrate that we're #5 by having a few Montana Mules?
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